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 Renkai Clan

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Ara-KuZo
C-Rank


Number of posts : 9
Age : 22
Registration date : 2009-02-23

PostSubject: Renkai Clan   Tue Feb 24, 2009 9:37 am

Name: Renkai

Village: Konohagakure

Clan Symbol: NA

Kekkei Genkai: The clan specilizes in healing and genjutsu there special kekkei genkai is there dojutsu eyes when activated the eyes turn half red half yellow and can use loads of lightning and fire jutsus without losing so much chakra. The Eye is called the Enkai which can slow down the moves in the user's head so they can see the move clearly and able to counter it sometimes it doesn't work the other ability is that the user can do handseals more quickly the downside is that after they've used the abilities and the eye goes away it damages a bit of the chakra points draining a bit of the chakra in the whole body making you feel a bit numb.

History: Renkai clan was born a few years ago from the founder Rinku Yamai it isn't well known and only 3 people are in it Kuno,Roake and Rinku. Rinku started this clan to help people so Kuno decided to leave the family clan Namko and join this clan. Roake joined this clan after leaving the family and coming to live near Kuno so he joined this clan aswell. The clan specilizes in healing and genjutsu there special kekkei genkai is there dojutsu eyes when activated the eyes turn half red half yellow and can use loads of lightning and fire jutsus without losing so much chakra. The Eye is called the Enkai which can slow down the moves in the user's head so they can see the move clearly and able to counter it sometimes it doesn't work the other ability is that the user can do handseals more quickly the downside is that after they've used the abilities and the eye goes away it damages a bit of the chakra points draining a bit of the chakra in the whole body making you feel a bit numb.

Clan Leader: Rinku

Secret Clan Techniques:

Name: Enkai Eyes
Rank: C
Type: Bloodline Limit
Point Cost: 20
Element: None
Description: This Activates the clan dojutsu the enkai eyes once activated the user can use any of the enkai jutsus in their rank. The eyes are half red and half yellow and allow ordinary jutsus power to be doubled and when you look into the eyes they trap you in a state that allows the user to deal double damage with the Enkai jutsus. The cause of the double damage with the Enkai jutsus is because he target will be able to slow down the targets move in his mind and able to target the weak spots on the target.

Name: Enkai: Fire Tiger Strike
Rank: B
Type: Bloodline Limit
Point Cost: 40
Element: Fire
Description: The user will first circle there target and shoot multiple fireballs around the target and then jump into the circle and kick them twice in the stomach and try to get under the target to launch them into the air and the user quickly launches a fireball in the midde of the circle the target will be waiting in the air and then you get above the target in the air and slam them into the flames. It is only possible if the user has the enkai eyes as the jutsu has 100 handseals and isn't possible without the enkai eyes.

Name: Enkai: Double Take
Rank: B
Type: Bloodline Jutsu
Point Cost: 40
Element: Fire
Description: The user dashes around the target and then uses the fire ball jutsu 5 times while running around the target and then the user dissapears as the user would be to fast to notice.


Thats all for now.....may add more jutsus

double edit: is it better now?


Last edited by Ara-KuZo on Sat Feb 28, 2009 3:23 am; edited 3 times in total
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Sanbi
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Number of posts : 86
Registration date : 2009-02-19

PostSubject: Re: Renkai Clan   Wed Feb 25, 2009 4:48 am

-Just like in your character application, please watch your grammer. It looks like one huge sentence. Try to use more commas and dots.

-Add the Enkai Eyes to your jutsu list.

-The clan leader would be an actual roleplayer, not a character. In this case, that is most likely you: Ara-KuZo.

Quote :

Name: Enkai: Fire Tiger Strike
Rank: C
Type: Bloodline Limit
Point Cost: 30
Element: Fire
Description: The user will first circle there target and shoot multiple fireballs around the target and then jump into the circle and kick them twice in the stomach and try to get under the target to launch them into the air and the user quickly launches a fireball in the midde of the circle the target will be waiting in the air and then you get above the target in the air and slam them into the flames. It is only possible if the user has the enkai eyes as the jutsu has 100 handseals and isn't possible without the enkai eyes.

Name: Enkai: Double Take
Rank: E
Type: Bloodline Jutsu
Point Cost: 15
Element: Fire
Description: The user dashes around the target and then uses the fire ball jutsu 5 times while running around the target and then the user dissapears as the user would be to fast to notice.

Both of these are going to be AT LEAST B-ranked, I can tell you. Enkai: Double Take for an example requires the user to preform the fireball technique, which is C-ranked. This means there is no way a technique involving the rapid preformance of 5 of these is going to be an E-rank one. Also, it claims the user "dissapears" thanks to his great speed. Such speed can never be achieved with an E-rank.

Same goes for Enkai: Fire Tiger Strike. It involves several C-ranked fireballs preformed rapidly, as well as an advanced taijutsu combo. Your actual description even claims it requires an astonashing string of handseals, meaning the technique would never be ranked as low as a mere C-rank technique.
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Ara-KuZo
C-Rank


Number of posts : 9
Age : 22
Registration date : 2009-02-23

PostSubject: Re: Renkai Clan   Wed Feb 25, 2009 2:20 pm

Ok..I edited it...Sanbi may it be approved
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Sanbi
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Number of posts : 86
Registration date : 2009-02-19

PostSubject: Re: Renkai Clan   Wed Feb 25, 2009 2:44 pm

Ok then, I gues if I let the grammar part slip for this once, there's only one thing I'd like to comment on. Your Enkai Eyes, what exactly do they do? All it says is that they "allow the user to use Enkai techniques". These eyes would allow them to preform the Enkai techniques for a reason though. They are likely to give them some sort of special boost, or some sort of special vision that allows them to preform actions (Enkai techniques) otherwise not possible (which is what makes them techniques unique to your clan).

Also, I think you're going to want to describe what they look like when activated, for roleplaying purposes. The Sharingan, for an example, turns the iris red and causes those 3 famous tomoes to appear. The Byakugan is completely white causes the veins around the users eyes to stick out when used. The Rin'negan is permanently activated and causes the eye to have its distingtive, grey, ripple-like pattern. What do the Enkai Eyes look like?
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Ara-KuZo
C-Rank


Number of posts : 9
Age : 22
Registration date : 2009-02-23

PostSubject: Re: Renkai Clan   Thu Feb 26, 2009 1:44 pm

Is it better now?
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Sanbi
Admin


Number of posts : 86
Registration date : 2009-02-19

PostSubject: Re: Renkai Clan   Fri Feb 27, 2009 8:12 am

The appearance of the eyes looks ok, their effect needs more "sense" though. How do they suddently cause Enkai techniques to deal more damage? Enkai techniques are technicly mere combo's built up from regular techniques after all. There has to be some sort of reason that these specific techniques and combo's suddently deal more damage.

Just use some general knowlage to come up with something that sounds logical, for Naruto standards that is.
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